HONESTY IS WHAT I NEED

True and real friends are much better than your own siblings. I have to agree with this as I've seen too much of this truth throughout my life. Thank you my dearest friends, as to me all of you are much better then my own brothers and sisters. I am posting this as my humble appreciation to your supportive comments on my previous post " Is there hope". You guys have without doubt showed to me that there is hope. As I wipe my tears, I could actually see your smiling faces and real brotherhood honesty shining vigorously and the light at the end of my tunnel seems a lot brighter. Thank you so much for being yourself. Thank you so much for all the moments that you have allowed me to be a part. Thank you so much for all those hurting truth that you have said about me. Thank you so much for sharing all your experience with me. Thank you so much for believing. Thank you so much for all my unintentional mistakes that you have forgiven. Thank you so much for enduring the pain to listen to all my words. Thank you so much for being honest.............

If my wife could read all those that you've written, I am sure she will be stronger even though I've never doubted her strength. Thank you for shouldering and listening to our endless struggle and that fresh hope which I felt that night, feels much better now. Thank you seems never enough nor appropriate for all of you, my dearest friends and real brothers. In my heart there are 4 chambers and all of you guys shall always have a place there. I do not intend to promise you anything at all, nor will I promise the moon, the sky, the sun or the universe to you but please always remember that I am your friend and will be there in whatever conditions you might be in. I say this, my dearest friends, brothers,............... in all honesty.

WHAT IS JUSTICE

To my amazement there seems to be many people who, for certain reason or no reason at all, does not understand the real meaning of justice. Many of such people misconstrued justice as equality. They say justice = equality. I say to them, think again. To explain my view an example will be appropriate. Read on and you would understand what I meant.

A man is married to 3 women. With the 1st wife, he has 5 kids. With the 2nd wife he has 4 kids and with the 3rd and latest wife he has no kid yet. He says " I love all of you equally" and all of them believe him. He then purchase 3 house to house his 3 families in the same housing estate, same row of terrace houses with same design and specification. All houses with 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, 1 living and kitchen plus a balcony and garage. He then buys 3 of the same make and model of cars for each of the house and park in the respective garage. To him and many others like him, he has performed his duty and has done justice. To me he has performed total injustice. Can you figure out why!

Justice is to be able to provide to the full satisfaction of the receiver of the justice. The needs and requirement of a person vary and what satisfy a person might not satisfy another. Justice is also measured in many other way such as responsibilities or duty carried out, loyalty, trustworthy and many other excellent qualities an individual might posses. In a family, it does not make sense to provide equal allowance to your kid without taking into consideration of his age, years in school, activities, surrounding etc. You would not (I hope) give $1 to your kid in kindergarten and another $1 to your son studying in University just to be equal. If you do this, then you are doing injustice to one of your child. A boss should not give $5,000 to an employee who does nothing, while depriving other outstanding employee of better reward just because of seniority, for example. But sadly, all this and perhaps many more has become the norm.

I have seen a lot of injustice in all phases of my life and wonder whether this will change in the future. I rest my case.............................

IS THERE HOPE.............

It is way after midnight and I am still wide awake. Starring at my beloved wife and almost seeing her suffering. I cried in total silence. Only tonight she could get a little sleep. There has been too many sleepless night for her. Too many unbearable pains. Suddenly she smiles in her sleep. Her tired and pale face lightens up. I couldn’t stop my tears. I just couldn’t. My body keeps on shaking as I cried. Trying not to make a single sound. Trying to hold my tears and cry in total silence. I am still trying to figure out why the sun still shines. Why does the wind blows. Why do the birds fly. Why when night fall the moon smile. Why does the rain never fails to fall. Why there is life. Why there is death. Why do I need to be here. Why do I have to marry her. Why am I blessed with all this beautiful kids. Why then all this happening. Why must the happiness fade. Why must she be tested with this pain. Why her. Why her. Why do I have to keep on hoping for my dying wife. Why do I have to be strong in her eyes. Why do I have to tell her that everything will be all right and she will recover. Why do I have to listen to all those advise. Why do I have to pretend that there will be another tomorrow. Why does she have to believe me. Why must she suffer. Why do I have to witness all this suffering. Why all my child has to go through all this. Why all the effort seems useless. And I am still here, trying to figure out why. It seems endless. Definitely there is God the Almighty. There is the chosen one and his progeny (peace be upon them). My eyes glued to my wife and I whisper softly, please help me God. Please help me Rasul. Please help me Al-Imam. If I am full of sin I beg your forgiveness. I beg for your mercy. I surrender to my one and only God for there is no other God for me except you The AlMighty. This sinful, so tiny me, seeking for mercy, seeking for answer to all those questions lingering in my mind. Please Almighty God, help her. She has been your loyal slave. She has never forgotten you in good times and bad times. And for sure until today, this very minute, she has not lost any faith in you, Almighty God. My tears did not stop. It refuses to stop. I stare at my beloved wife and I feel so lost, so small and so lonely. I can’t even stop my own tears. How can I stop her pain and her tears. How may I console somebody who is stronger than me. Have more will power than I do. Possess tremendous amount of courage than anyone that I knew. With my trembling hands, I touch her face. To my eyes she is beautiful, still is and will always be. She is my inspiration. She is everything to me. She gave me courage and showed me hope. Feeling and seeing her calmness gave me hope and prays with tears in my eyes, that God the Almighty will help us in our desperate struggle. Please God don’t take her away from me and my kids. Not now, not yet. We need her. We really need her. Have mercy on us and show us the way and help us as we believe the ultimate power is with you God Almighty. With all my love and a fresh hope in my heart, I whisper in her ears, I shall love you forever my love…………….

THINKING AND WHAT IS IT REALLY

To some people, anything that is happening in their head is thinking. Some says, focusing on a particular topic is thinking. There are also some nut head who think, thinking is just some sort of wasting their time. Many feels that thinking is a job. Some could not differentiate between thinking good or thinking bad. Too much thinking for some people would lead them to sanity, to others insanity. Some have sinful thinking that lead them to do commit sinful act. Some have not sinful thinking but still lead them to commit sinful act. My guess is, that's why the world is like a merry - go - round. I wonder............... (Thinking perhaps)

GESTURE OF TRUE FRIENDSHIP

I have written a lot of things. And here, it is my pleasure to post one of my poem which I dedicated to all my friends, wherever you are..........

GESTURE OF TRUE FRIENDSHIP

Laughter are forever

Once I've heard that from you

Tears are for failures

That is what I heard too

I listen and keep on listening

And I guess I've learn a lot of new thing

and I wonder................

Is it really true

Does people really can do or undo

All or part of things

Certain or uncertain...................in life

Through all this experience of mine

I've regarded friendship

As a starfish on the beach

Which have many pointed ends

Every end is a symbol

of the ingredients needed

To call that special person

plus that special relation

as.............. Friendship

In one end there must be two

Evil and kind, Satan and angels

Both totally mixed..............together

And its for you to convert and change

That Satan into angel

or you might wrongly change

that Kind into EVIL

From the first moment

I call you a friend

Until now you still remain

A true and special friend

Always willing to give and accept

To seek and find

Comfort, warmth, sincerity

Truth, kind and others

Also apologies and mistake

Forgiven.....................

As time slowly passes by

The friendship grew stronger

Between you and I

Feelings are more emotional

Pride comes in at certain intervals

Until the songs of life is composed

And sung by both of us

You are neither brave nor coward

Neither weak nor strong

For you never want to reveal

The feelings that you truly feels

Which is hidden deep within

Inside of you

Although it was not explained

Nor was it spoken of or told

That sentimental feelings of yours.... dear

Emerged slowly and show

In all your mimics

Words and gesture

Many have always mentioned

The truth sometimes hurt

However...... there were moments

Shown in history

Though the truth hurts in reality

But a blessing of its kind

of a longer and lasting memories

of a Friendship and.............. a Friend

Now both of us knew

You and I................ together

We shall face this world

With the good times and disaster

Knowing in our hearts

Understanding in our souls

We can never be as we are

Any longer then this world

But then again

We still have the second life

The second chance

Of seeing a smiling face

and greetings............... HI

Eternally........... Always

So my dearest friends

Learn to expect the unexpected

Then you may shout out loud

Come what may

In your own special way

And the friendship between us

Will be treasured

Now and Always.................

TOUCH BY WORDS

I am really touch by the contents of "Time is up and I need to keep on movin..." written and posted by an up and coming engineer, a dear friend of mine. To think that the short time we have had, has actually create such bondage of respect, made my old heart pound more than usual. The crave to write and to live-up with the expectation, scare me a bit but my experience tells me to go ahead. So this is what I've got to say, firstly to myself then to others, who, this words does matter.

To let go isn't to forget, not think about or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't winning and it isn't losing. It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and it doesn't leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It's not giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss, and it's not defeat.

To let go is to cherish memories, to overcome and to move on. It is having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting, it is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, to clear a path and to set yourself free.

A friend of mine said God has created everything in this world in perfect balance and harmony, black and white, tall and short, rich and poor, wrong and right and it goes on and on. When there is beginning, there surely will be an end and time will tell. Everyday or night is a new beginning of everything whether it is moving or motionless and a MAN GOT TO DO WHAT A MAN GOT TO DO..

I am not trying to be smart neither do I want to be stupid but come to think of it open mindedly, leaving and letting go needs tonnes of courage and until today I still wonder do I possess such courage...............

Me, Myself and I

Me, myself and I